About Safehaven

by Andrew Wong

October 2002

In recent times with the rise of Christian fundamentalism as a political force and pervasive influence, even in Singapore, gay, lesbian and bisexual ("GLB") people have become the focal point of the demonization of the Other. GLB Christians often grow up with a double burden. In addition to experiencing the potential rejection of our loved ones, our inner conflicts reach deep existential dimensions since the sense of rejection carries over to our relationship with the Christian God. To be rejected by family, friends and society is one thing but to be rejected by the very ground of your being — God — often becomes unbearable.

It is for this reason that Safehaven exists — to bring relief and empowerment to GLB Christians in Singapore. Safehaven started in 1998 with six original founders coming from diverse backgrounds. Its original membership comprised of university students, a banker, theological student, teacher and a professor. Today, Haveners come to worship and fellowship together weekly and hail from a variety of age groups, social backgrounds and religious traditions. Though the majority of Haveners belong to mainstream evangelical churches, we have Roman Catholics, Anglicans and Christians from other denominations, all of whom bring a unique contribution to the group. We have also welcomed Muslims and Buddhist members into our midst with the understanding that at no time will they be pressured into converting to Christianity. While all Haveners are currently GLB we hope to have straight members within our fold soon.

Safehaven is a proactively inclusive, welcoming and tolerant community. The only people who are not welcome are those who will not give others the breathing space to hold their own views. Safehaven encourages Haveners to formulate their own personal faith statement and moral standards. We firmly believe that each individual is personally accountable to her/his God so we do not impose our models or opinions on each other. Instead, our diversity is used as platforms for learning, sharing and healthy and even intense debate.

We strive to provide members with a safe sanctuary where they are able to work out any conflicts between faith and sexuality. Our ultimate aim is for Haveners to find meaning and dignity in their individual spiritual and life journeys in community with one another.

Safehaven is distinguished from Choices, which is for those wishing to stop being gay and become ex-gay. In line with our ethos of diversity, we respect Choices right to its views even though we believe that its stance is not supported by a correct interpretation of the Bible or established psychological research. While calling on Choices to live out its beliefs in a socially responsible manner, we do not hesitate on occasion to refer individuals who might be better suited to its programs to them. We hope that in time they will do the same.

In the Community

In the last few years, Safehaven has attempted to engage and be of service to members of both the GLB and general Christian communities. We had a carolling group for the first time in December 2001 and performed at various pubs and other gay friendly venues. It was the culmination of many weeks of effort to finally stand out in the open and sing. For many of the carollers it was a coming out of sorts — not as gay but as gay Christians.

In June 2002, we held our annual retreat in Kuala Lumpur where a gruelling though enriching schedule of bible discussions, worship and sermons were held. Despite this many Haveners still managed to visit the clubs and restaurants of our neighbour's capital. One event that caused quite a stir back in Singapore was 17 Haveners dancing topless way past midnight at Liquid after a full day of Bible and theological reflections coupled with deeply transparent sharing. For the Haveners it was a time of clean fun and our Malaysian friends at Liquid welcomed us exuberantly realising that a bunch of Singaporeans were challenging the staid and dowdy image of the Republic. There were however people who could not understand how a Christian group could be spiritual and yet be so boisterous at a gay pub. Our answer is simple: We are Christians, not stuffy Victorian prudes. Our lives are to reflect the compassion and integrity of Christ not religious prudishness. Indeed Safehaven actively resists the trap of equating Christian spirituality with being religious and moralistic.

Another event of note is "Not Another Drag Show" a performance which some Haveners put on this year at the Young Musicians' Studio Auditorium a gay event by gay people for our gay and gay positive friends. It was a totally frivolous night filled with popular musical songs, stand up comedy and raucous laughter. Though not officially a Safehaven event, it was performed and produced completely by Haveners. Other community development activities we have engaged in include selling crafts for single mothers in Nepal and providing a regular stream of volunteer counsellors for the Action for Aids anonymous testing site.

Taking A Stand

While Safehaven is not an activist group we are not ostriches either. Realizing that we occupy a unique niche that straddles both the Christian world and the GLB communities, we have not flinched to venture out in defence of our faith and sexuality when the occasion demands it. Our members have previously engaged Choices, Trinity Theological College, the Anglican church and have given a radio interview over issues related to the Singapore Christian church's rejection of GLBs. These efforts are documented in our website (www.oursafehaven.com). We approach all these engagements with an attitude of firmness coupled with respect.

In September 2002, a Havener who attended New Creation Church ("NCC"), located at the Rock Auditorium in Suntec City, highlighted that the Senior Pastor made regular derogatory remarks about GLB persons in his sermons. The remarks were affecting her partner and placing their 20-over year relationship under stress. At the same time, that church's leadership told a different Havener that unless he stopped living as a gay person he would be excommunicated from the church.

In response we drafted a letter to ask the pastor to cease making derogatory statements and actions that would affect the psychological and spiritual health of its members and offered to meet up with the church's leadership. The letter, a copy of which is attached, was signed by 69 people and couriered to the pastor. NCC does not seem willing to take us up on our offer to dialogue though responses were made during church services that GLB persons are not welcome there unless they wanted to change. However, the derogatory remarks, which were a primary target of the letter, seemed to have stopped. It was an important lesson for us, as many members worship regularly at NCC. It also made us focus more clearly on our dual spheres of being Christian and gay.

Unfortunately the Christian church has been one of the great perpetrators of injustice — from the Inquisition, to the slave trade in the Americas, the Crusades and the suppression of women to colonial subjugation under the guise of missionary work — horrendous injustices have been perpetuated under the name of Christ. Today that injustice includes the mistreatment and maligning of GLB people. Yet the fact remains that within the church's dark history there have also been sporadic beacons of justice and emancipation. William Wilberforce and Abraham Lincoln are names that come to mind, in relation to the legal abolishment of slavery for instance. And of course there is the Saint of Calcutta, Mother Teresa, who brought unconditional dignity and humanity to the impoverished in her adopted land. It is because of inspirations like these that we at Safehaven believe that the Christian faith is not bankrupt and strive to change our own worlds a little bit at a time.

Attachment: Letter To New Creation Church

Pastor Joseph Prince
New Creation Church
3 Temasek Boulevard
Suntec City Mall #04-001
Singapore 038983

5 September 2002

Dear Pastor Prince

Greetings in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. May his grace and mercy be upon you and your congregation.

We are a group of Christians who (i) attend New Creation Church ("NCC") regularly, (ii) have visited NCC and considered attending regularly or (iii) just ordinary Christians who care. We are also a group of women and men who are gay.

We have each gone through many years of struggle trying to understand the relationship between God and our sexuality. Many of us have prayerfully studied and re-studied the Bible in our individual Peniels. Many of us have gone through much pain and wrestling. And each of us by God's grace in Christ Jesus has come through intact in Christ having grown to appreciate and treasure our relationship with the Lord in greater depth. We each continue to grow in realization daily that we can be fully acceptable before God as gay people living as gay people in Christ as we strive to honor the Lord in our lives.

We do not ask you to agree with our position. That is the Lord's work and prerogative in your life. However we are pained by the way you have on a number of occasions made comments that are factually incorrect or can only be interpreted as put downs of gay people. To call being gay a disease is contradicted by established scientific research. To joke derogatorily about a people who often feel unacceptable and rejected causes much pain. It risks perpetuating the sense of continued self-hatred that plagues many gay men and women. Many of us who are signatories here have experienced first hand the destructiveness of this self-hatred and have had friends who pay dearly for it.

One regular worshipper at your church who treasures many of your messages said this about the jokes you make about gay people from the pulpit:

"I realize that, joe prince's jokes about gays are not some harmless banter he can use to spice up his messages they do hurt, especially for those still struggling in their conflict between faith and sexuality. I recall that at the beginning of 2001 when I first joined ncc, I was still in that state of struggle. During that period, joe prince jested about homosexuality a couple of times while the congregation laughed, I flinched. i felt small, very small, even though neither joe nor the congregation meant to be malicious."

Pastor Prince, while we pray that you can one day see how God can accept gay people living as gay people in Christ, it is for the Lord to work through the matter with you. In the meantime we want to fully respect and honor your God given right to study the Word for yourself and arrive at your own conclusions. However while we do not have any doubt whatsoever of your sincerity and good intentions, we find it difficult to see how words and actions that are factually incorrect, derogate, insult or put down a particular segment of people can be consistent with the Spirit of Christ. If we have to disagree let us at least disagree without derogating another human being. We do not say this in judgement but only as sinners saved by grace appealing to another sinner saved by grace.

We would be grateful for a response from you. You can write to us at tianci2001@yahoo.com. Some of us would also be keen to meet with you to share with you our journeys in the Lord.

Finally we thank you for your ministry to the body of Christ in Singapore. May his annointing continue to be upon you.

In Jesus grace
Concerned Christians (who just happen to be gay in Christ's grace)