GAY AND PROUD OF IT!

Experience and Opinion of a Malaysian Gay Catholic

by Alan

[This article first appeared in the October 2003 edition of Catholic Asian News and is reproduced with permission.]

I AM a Malaysian physician-scientist who is currently undergoing further studies overseas. I identify myself as gay and Catholic and have previously been active in several Catholic based groups and parishes in the Klang Valley.

Hostile Environment

Being brought up in an environment hostile to my own sexuality, I tried my best to live as a straight guy. While externally, I appeared like a straight guy, my romantic and sexual feelings were very different from them. Deep down I was very alone, unhappy, depressed and unfulfilled. Something was not right in my life. After a lot of reflection and soul searching, I finally came to accept my own sexuality ….that I am gay, have always been gay, and will always be gay. It was a experience of self acceptance, healing and the sense of "coming home" - the discovery of the real me within.

World wide, people who are hostile to us use the name of God and religion to justify their actions which promote hatred. We hear of people who call themselves Christians proclaiming, "God hates gays" at memorial ceremonies of gay people murdered just because their sexual orientation.

We hear of churches trying to "change" gay people using devious ways, which are deemed harmful by medical professionals. Meanwhile, in the Roman Catholic Church, even though the Vatican has recognized that gay people should not be discriminated against because of our sexual orientation, the actions of the hierarchy of the Catholic Church in general seem to show otherwise.

Bible Does Not Condemn

Interestingly, in a careful study of history, John Boswell concluded that Christianity was basically indifferent to homosexuality until late Twelfth Century when minorities began to be persecuted in Europe. Using current biblical scholarship approach, Daniel Helminiak concluded that the Bible does not condemn gay sex, as we understand it today.

However, the Church hierarchy still maintains that expression of our sexuality is unnatural and evil and that we, as gay people, are intrinsically disordered. Therefore, this made me ask, "Am I to believe that God created us gay people with an intrinsically evil desire while creating straight people with good sexual desires?

Also, if the law of God is to be seen in the light of the commandment to love, am I to believe that God is more concerned about the sexual organ of my partner than what is within my heart?"

As a gay person who tried to live as a straight person, it is obvious to me that what is natural to straight people is not natural to me. To proclaim that only heterosexuality is natural, is like saying “It is only natural for people to write with their right hand, that left handed people are intrinsically disordered and that they (left handed people) should either train themselves to write with their right hand or do not write at all."

Therefore, the official teaching on homosexuality contradicts my life experience, reasoning and my conscience.

Homophobia = Apartheid

I strongly agree with Archbishop Desmond Tutu, a Nobel Peace Prize laureate and the former leader of Southern Africa's Anglicans who equates homophobia with apartheid and made the following statements which I consider very relevant:

“It is sad indeed that we as a church have more often than not turned our back on a significant portion of God's people on the basis of their sexual orientation. We have inflicted on gay and lesbian people the tremendous pain of having to live a lie or to face brutal rejection if they dared to reveal their true selves. But oppression cuts both ways. Behind our “safe” barriers of self-righteousness, we deprive ourselves of the rich giftedness that lesbian and gay people have to contribute to the whole body of Christ. (1995)

"What sort of God are we commending, when we say God has made you as you are, and then clobbers you because you behave as God makes you? I've always said that that doesn't seem to make sense to me, if you say that sexuality involves all that you are. Being human means, in many instances, being able to express your sexuality in acts of love." (1996)

Marginalised

The actions of the hierarchy of the Catholic Church has made the entire Church in general, appear as a hostile place for people like us. The Church, does not understand us as gay and lesbian people. Therefore, it is of utmost importance for the local church to distance herself away from any signs of hatred, prejudice, discrimination and self-righteousness while adopting a non-judgmental approach to allow dialogue of life to take place in honesty, justice and love.

As a member of a group, which is misunderstood and marginalised even by one's own religion, it is becoming even clearer to me the reason why Jesus chose to be identified with the marginalised in society.

To me, it is in the honesty of a gay person revealing his identity to a loved one, the solidarity of gay people when faced with violence, the selfless love of a man to his partner and the support of gay people across political boundaries that I come to understand the meaning of true love and see hope for the future.