Initial Contact

Set up a telephone meeting as soon as possible.

Be polite, truthful, and friendly. Be prepared to volunteer some information about yourself, such as your age, name, work description, Christian background, and length of membership in Safehaven.

Talking about yourself helps to put the prospective member at ease. You do not have to go on at length about yourself. For example, to say you are a teacher is sufficient. You don't have to say that you are a secondary school teacher specializing in Math and Physics at ABC School, unless you consider it helpful.

Though your sexuality is often assumed to be gay by the caller, be willing to identify yourself as a gay person, as it can help the person feel being gay is normal.

Phone Conversation

Ask how the newcomer got to know Safehaven.

Ask him about his church background.

• Catholic? Protestant?
• Attendance at which church, or currently churchless?
  
• Church history, or salvation history.

Ask what he does for a living.

Ask if he has any faith/sexuality conflicts. If he has firmly resolved it in the direction of homosexuality as sin and he would like to fellowship among people who feel the same, please direct him to Choices.

In all other cases (he is confused, he is still exploring, he has fully reconciled his gayness and his faith as compatible), he is welcome to Safehaven.

Please take the time to assess if the person is open to the possibility that being a gay person living a gay life could be acceptable to God. Membership in Safehaven is premature if the person is not open to the possibility.

Things not to divulge on the first conversation:

• The specific meeting time and address.
• Size of the fellowship (potentially intimidating to newcomers)
• Queries about whether their acquaintance Tom or Sally is in Safehaven, or if Tom or Sally is in any leadership positions/roles.

Avoid getting into theological debates in the initial meeting. Feel free to quote our mission statements, or our bible verse for the year.

Face-to-face Meeting

In the event that you are unsure if the person is suitable for Safehaven, you can arrange to meet up with the person. For example, if the newcomer is transsexual, or in a difficult heterosexual marriage, or is a prominent personality in church or public life. Always meet prospective members in public, never in seclusion, or in a private space. Do go with another leader whenever possible, and inform the chair/vice chair before the meeting.

If The Newcomer Is Interested

Tell him the time and place. Preferably you would have invited him to a group dinner or coffee before the actual service.

Ask him to have a look at the information we have for those thinking of joining us and tell him our principles and the reasoning behind them:

1. No dating in the first four months. We want to get to know him as a person.
2. No casual sex between Haveners. We want to build permanent relationships.
3. Use real name, and maintain strict confidentiality. Safehaven requires trust.
4. Attend the sessions regularly. This allows us to build fellowship.

Newcomers can visit once before deciding whether or not to stay.

If The Newcomer Is Not Interested

Be polite. Be persuasive, but never pressure the person to change his mind. Ask for reasons, and if possible, say a prayer of blessing as he continues searching for another place.

If they are interested in Choices, please pass along Choices' contacts. Ask them, when they arrive at Choices, to say they came with our recommendations.

Which Group To Direct Newcomer To?

The cell supervisor has to be discerning and sensitive to the needs, personality, emotional and spiritual maturity of the newcomer.

If there is a mixed group open to new members, ask if the person is comfortable in a co-ed environment, regardless if the newcomer's guy or a girl.

If most groups are closed to newcomers, inform him of the start date of any new group that may be started, and ask him if he would like to join us then.

If we are starting a new group, ask the person if he would like to join a newcomers' group or if he'd like to join an existing group. This is particularly important for those newcomers for whom the core faith-sexuality studies dealing with the bible passages may be beneficial.

If the person, or the interviewer, thinks these studies are useful, even critical, the group of choice is always the group undergoing those studies, and not necessarily the group with whom the person has the most friends. Spiritual need takes precedence over congenial ties.

Rule of thumb: the newcomer should join the groups supervised by the interviewer. If the interviewer feels the member is a better fit with another group outside his supervision, check with the cell supervisor and facilitator involved. For example, the interviewer may be supervising closed groups at that moment, and would like to pass the newcomer on to other groups.