Facing the Challenges Of Being a Gay Christian

Micasa Hotel Apartments, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

Saturday, 15 June 2002

by Clarence Singam

Many great movements start because some insignificant people have the courage to do some small act. Just prior to AD 60 a man whose name we know only as Epaphras, whose name is mentioned on three times in the Bible, whose surname we might never know, went to a town called Colosse, shared the gospel with a few people and a little church was started. Today Colosse doesn't exist anymore but it was people like Epaphras who started a movement that has altered the world in such a significant way.

Perhaps a little less dramatically today we are here because a small group of a few motley individualists like Jason, Kenneth, Tuck Leong, George, David, Boon Long and a few others decided that they had the right and blessing of God to gather together not just as gay people or Christian people but as gay Christian people. From this small beginning of less than 10 people Safehaven has grown to this present size with many of you having been part of this fellowship for under two years.

And not unlike the Colossian church, today you too face the same three challenges they faced.

Firstly you are surrounded by people who might reject you as Christians and even as persons simply because of who you are. Christians were not an accepted group of people then. In fact the word, "Christian" was a dirty word.

Today Christian is almost a stylish term but gay Christian is a dirty word. So while you might not face the physical danger that the Colossians may have faced yet the emotional and psychological stress you go through and experience as a gay or lesbian Christian person is high and sometimes unbearable.

Secondly like the Colossians you are surrounded by people who tell you that it is not sufficient to just rely on the work of Christ on the cross — it is insufficient to just hang on to the fact that he died for you on the cross.

They say, "You need more. They say that in addition to believing in Jesus, you need more. You need to be straight. You need to be celibate unless you are married to a person of the opposite sex. You need to do this and don't do that. You need to reject yourself and the core of who you believe you are because the cross just isn't enough."

The reason Paul wrote to the Colossians was that he was concerned that perhaps they would come to believe these things that people were saying. The danger was that the message of rejection and legalism would get internalized into the congregation and become part of the church at Colosse and in the end destroy their faith and relationship with God.

Similarly with many gay Christians — yes even many of you — the message of rejection is internalized, the rejection no longer needs to come from outside — from someone else — because it develops a life of its own within yourself. You become your biggest rejecter.

It was for this reason Paul wrote to Colosse and it was for this reason the Lord has left this book in his word for you.

BRIDGE: I believe that the book of Colossians presents us with a number of lessons of how to live our lives and faiths in world that does not accept us fully.

Let's read from Colossians 1:1-2:3

Colossians 1

¹Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, and Timothy our brother, ²To the holy and faithful brothers in Christ at Colosse: Grace and peace to you from God our Father.

Thanksgiving and Prayer

³We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you, ⁴because we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love you have for all the saints-- ⁵the faith and love that spring from the hope that is stored up for you in heaven and that you have already heard about in the word of truth, the gospel ⁶that has come to you. All over the world this gospel is bearing fruit and growing, just as it has been doing among you since the day you heard it and understood God's grace in all its truth. ⁷You learned it from Epaphras, our dear fellow servant, who is a faithful minister of Christ on our behalf, ⁸and who also told us of your love in the Spirit. ⁹For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. ¹⁰And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, ¹¹being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully ¹²giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. ¹³For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, ¹⁴in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

The Supremacy of Christ

¹⁵He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. ¹⁶For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. ¹⁷He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. ¹⁸And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy.

¹⁹For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, ²⁰and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross. ²¹Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. ²²But now he has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation-- ²³if you continue in your faith, established and firm, not moved from the hope held out in the gospel. This is the gospel that you heard and that has been proclaimed to every creature under heaven, and of which I, Paul, have become a servant.

²⁴Now I rejoice in what was suffered for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ's afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church. ²⁵I have become its servant by the commission God gave me to present to you the word of God in its fullness-- ²⁶the mystery that has been kept hidden for ages and generations, but is now disclosed to the saints. ²⁷To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.

²⁸We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ. ²⁹To this end I labor, struggling with all his energy, which so powerfully works in me.

Colossians 2

¹I want you to know how much I am struggling for you and for those at Laodicea, and for all who have not met me personally. ²My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, ³in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.

(PRAY)

a. God Calls You To Embrace The Hope He Gives To You

All of you will agree with me when I say to you like the Colossian Christians you as gay Christians are called to be a people of LOVE and FAITH.

In Colossians 1:4 Paul says that he has heard that the Colossians are a people of love and faith. In Colossians 2:2 he says that he wants them to be united in love. In Col 3:12 he tells them that they are dearly loved and in 3:14 he tells them that to put on love.

Similarly in Col 1:2 he calls them the faithful. In 2:7 he commends them for their firm faith. In 1:23 he encourages them to continue in their faith.

You often encourage one another to keep loving and to keep having faith in spite of the challenges you face in life. Yet so very often many lose their faith. Many become cynical and lose even their love.

But you know Paul tells us that the faith and the love that you are so often encouraged to demonstrate don't just appear out of the blue. You don't just pull it out from a hat. It comes from somewhere.

Turn with me to Col 1:3-6

³We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you, ⁴because we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love you have for all the saints-- ⁵the faith and love that spring from the hope that is stored up for you in heaven and that you have already heard about in the word of truth, the gospel that has come to you.

The verse says that the faith and the love of the Colossians arose from the hope that was stored up for them in heaven. The faith and the love of the Colossians just did not come out from anywhere it came out from a deep sense that despite their difficulties they had a hope.

Today when we say 'we hope" it means that there is some uncertainty. We hope that it will rain. But when the Bible uses the word hope it does not use it as a verb but as a noun. The Colossians did not hope for something but they possessed a hope.

Chapter 1:23 says that this hope is a hope that is in the gospel, the good news. In Col 1:27 Paul makes it even clearer and states that this hope is Christ living in the Colossians i.e. that they were fully acceptable to God in Christ — that is the good news the gospel. It was as simple as that.

The fact is that you will never ever be truly able to have a life of deep faith and deep love unless you truly believe that you have a hope. The very same hope that the Colossians had — that Christ is in you and that in Christ you are fully accepted in God.

Many of you struggle in your faith and in your ministry and ability to reach out because deep down inside you think or believe that you do not deserve this hope the God wants you to have. That somehow even though his word clearly says that Christ in you is all-sufficient, you feel you are not good enough.

And this lack of hope in turn affects your self-esteem — so instead of seeing yourself as special you see yourself as abnormal.

This lack of hope causes you to put yourself down so instead of seeing your gayness as a gift you see it as a curse. Instead of seeing how you can use your gayness to deepen your spiritual life you try to cut it out so that you live like a spiritual eunuch with no access to any virility.

This lack of hope causes you to be fatalistic. Instead of believing and trusting the Lord to be able to give you fulfilling and lasting relationships you and your partners constantly live in fear that it will never last.

I believe God wants to teach each one of you to perceive and understand that hope that you have in him of your total acceptability to him not just as a human, not just as a Christian but as a gay or lesbian Christian.

I believe that he wants you to see that your unwillingness to embrace this hope might have once been a stumbling block others placed before you. But for those of you who have been here a while and who still do not believe that you are entitled to that hope because of Jesus — to you I believe that perhaps God wants you to repent.

To repent from the sin of limiting him. The sin of saying that God I am so unacceptable that even you my Creator my Redeemer is powerless to accept me. And unless you repent of this rejection of the hope that God has for you based solely on the work of Jesus on the cross, you will never NEVER be able to live a life of faith or of love.

b. God Calls You To Please Him

I am not a theoretician. When I pick up a book or an article, one of the first questions I ask and keep asking is "How can I use this information?"

There are some of you who might just like to discuss. You love to share ideas and learn new information. You want to know how to interpret Genesis 19. What does the Greek words in Corinthians mean. What does Romans say about gay people if at all. And then you walk out of a Tuesday night being the same old you.

In 1:9 Paul asks God to fill the Colossians up with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding.

But for what? So that you may live lives worthy of the Lord and please him in every way. Knowledge for the sake of knowledge is useless in the Christian faith. If the knowledge is to be of any use in your life and in your ability to withstand the pressures that face you as a gay Christian person, you will have to translate that knowledge to living your life to please God.

Paul lists four characteristics of a person who pleases God in 1:9-12

9For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. 10And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, 11being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully 12giving thanks to the Father,

These characteristics are:

1. You will be bearing fruit in every good work.
2. You would be growing in the knowledge of God i.e. in relationship with him.
3. You would be developing patience and endurance in the face of your challenges.
4. You would be filled with gratitude.

I want to focus on the first two this morning:

The first is good works. One of our goals in Safehaven is to develop spiritually mature individuals. By this I mean we want you to become a person who is able to intelligently and spiritually work out your own morality.

Very often spirituality is confused with religiosity. For example more and more we have members who come from conservative theological backgrounds. Sometimes those who are from conservative backgrounds call me and tell me “Oh so and so are propagating open relationships. Oh so and so are do not have a Biblical sexual ethic. Or so and so are believing in strange doctrines."

I always listen because sometimes there are valid concerns. But something strikes me as strange. When I look at the original Safehaven members — they are probably the most liberal bunch of Christian friends (except perhaps for Boon Long) I have ever met. Some of their sexual morality would probably shock you. For instance I understand that some people in Fish were perturbed by Jason's view on open relationships in the context of the Bible.

But you know what I find strange. It is that while the original Haveners were a bunch of zany individualistic liberals, yet they never ever had a problem of breaching fellowship ethics like sleeping with one another.

Over the last year we have had to work with issues of Haveners breaking house rules or ending up in one-night stands with one another. And in almost every case it involved Christians who were conservative.

I ask myself why is it that the very people who often sound so much more Biblical or moral are the people who keep breaching rules. I come to the conclusion that many Christians are religious and that religious does not mean spiritual.

In fact often people become religious because they need to cling on to something due to their insecurities. If all that you become in Safehaven is religious, you will not be able to face the pressures that come your way as a gay Christian person.

You will need to become a person who has a mature way of making moral decisions. Psychologists have spent much time studying how people develop the capacity to make moral decisions. One key researcher in this area is Lawrence Kohlberg.

KOHLBERG'S STAGES OF MORAL DEVELOPMENT

A. PREMORAL OR PRECONVENTIONAL STAGES

Behavior motivated by anticipation of pleasure or pain.

STAGE 1: PUNISHMENT AND OBEDIENCE

Avoidance of physical punishment and deference to power. Punishment is an automatic response of physical retaliation. The immediate physical consequences of an action determine its goodness or badness. The atrocities carried out by soldiers during the holocaust who were simply "carrying out orders" under threat of punishment, illustrate that adults as well as children may function at stage one level.

STAGE 2: INSTRUMENTAL EXCHANGE

Marketplace exchange of favors or blows. "You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours." Justice is: "Do unto others as they do unto you." Individual does what is necessary, makes concessions only as necessary to satisfy his own needs. Right action consists of what instrumentally satisfies one's own needs. Vengeance is considered a moral duty. People are valued in terms of their utility.

B. CONVENTIONAL MORALITY

Acceptance of the rules and standards of one's group.

STAGE 3: INTERPERSONAL CONFORMITY

Right is conformity to the behavioral expectations of one's society or peers. Individual acts to gain approval of others. Good behavior is that which pleases or helps others within the group. "Everybody is doing it." One earns approval by being conventionally "respectable" and "nice." Sin is a breach of the expectations of the social order. Retribution, however, at this stage is collective. Individual vengeance is not allowed. Forgiveness is preferable to revenge. Punishment is mainly for deterrence. Failure to punish is "unfair." "If he can get away with it, why can't I?"

STAGE 4: LAW AND ORDER

Respect for rules, laws and properly constituted authority. Defense of the given social and institutional order for it's own sake. Responsibility toward the welfare of others in the society. "Justice" normally refers to criminal or forensic justice. Justice demands that the wrongdoer be punished, that he "pay his debt to society," and that law abiders be rewarded. "A good day's pay for a good day's work." Injustice is failing to reward work or punish demerit. Right behavior consists of maintaining the social order for its own sake. Authority figures are seldom questioned. "He must be right. He's the Pope (or the President, or the Judge, or God)." Consistency and precedent must be maintained.

C. POSTCONVENTIONAL OR PRINCIPLED MORALITY

Ethical principles

STAGE 5: PRIOR RIGHTS AND SOCIAL CONTRACT

Moral action in a specific situation is not defined by reference to a checklist of rules, but from logical application of universal, abstract, moral principles. Individuals have natural or inalienable rights and liberties that are prior to society and must be protected by society. Retributive justice repudiated. Justice distributed proportionate to circumstances and need. "Situation ethics." The statement, "Justice demands punishment," which is a self-evident truism to the Stage 4 mind, is just as self-evidently nonsense at Stage 5. Retributive punishment is neither rational nor just, because it does not promote the rights and welfare of the individual. Only legal sanctions that fulfill that purpose are imposed-- protection of future victims, deterrence, and rehabilitation. Individual acts out of mutual obligation and a sense of public good. Right action tends to be defined in terms of general individual rights, and in terms of standards that have been critically examined and agreed upon by the whole society--e.g. the Constitution. The freedom of the individual should be limited by society only when it infringes upon someone else's freedom.

STAGE 6: UNIVERSAL ETHICAL PRINCIPLES

An individual who reaches this stage acts out of universal principles based upon the equality and worth of all human beings. Persons are never means to an end, but are ends in themselves. Having rights means more than individual liberties. It means that every individual is due consideration of his interests in every situation, those interests being of equal importance with ones own. This is the "Golden Rule" model. A list of rules inscribed in stone is no longer necessary.

At this level, God is understood to say what is right because it is right; His sayings are not right, just because it is God who said them. Persons at this level have accepted God's invitation to "come and let us reason together" (Isa 1:18).

The Bible enjoins principles of modesty, humility, and wise stewardship of the money. Application of these principles might preclude the purchase of expensive jewelry, furs, flashy cars, or other items primarily for show. A person functioning at level six would have no problem applying these principles. Persons functioning at a level four on the other hand, might make rules about "jewelry" (in a church for instance) or red dresses, or cosmetics. But they might not even notice a flashy car or the lady who wears a new dress every single week. Those things aren't on the list. If Kohlberg's observation is true, then level 6 thinkers would be in the minority. They might even be misunderstood and persecuted by a level 4 majority (Christ being the primary example).

Stage one is partly characterized by an inability to generalize from principles to their application. Rules are understood very concretely, so they have to be spelled out in complete detail. An example of such detailed instruction is found in the 2nd, 4th, and especially the 10th Commandments. After God has told the Israelites not to covet their neighbor's house, lest they assume that they are left free to covet his other possessions, the Lord adds, "your neighbor's wife or his manservant." But if God had stopped there, Israel would have concluded that it would be permissible to covet the "maidservant", so God spells that out too, and "his ox, nor his ass." Redundantly He adds "nor anything that belongs to your neighbor."

A great many of the problems within the church may be explained by these differences in stage thinking. Level 4 people are anxious that the rules be kept, while level 6 persons who want to discuss general principles, are called "liberal." Level 6 persons may become very bored with legalistic sermons aimed at level 4, or with level 2 — the fiery hell and damnation threats, while level 4 members feel threatened by questions which seem to undermine the authority of God and His Law or His church.

I think we fail our job if most of our members remain at level 4. We want as many members as possible to move on to Stage C, i.e. levels 5 & 6.

The second point about pleasing God is growing in the knowledge of God and developing an authentic relationship with God.

Do you know a lot about God or do you know God a lot? The Bible is a book about people developing authentic relationship with God. But authentic relationship with God is dependent on authentic relationship with yourself, with others and non-compartmentalization:

Authenticity with self. You cannot relate authentically with another until you relate authentically with yourself.

Many GLB persons in being unable or unwilling to work through their sexual orientation and its implications for their lives will not be able to be authentic with themselves.

In the Bible there were people who remained unwilling or unable to come to terms with their identity and the Lord had to work through various means to bring them into reconciliation and integration with their own identities so that they could move on to a more authentic relating with themselves and others.

Moses

Most of the time when people read the story of Moses they view the incident of Moses killing an Egyptian to protect an Israelite as Moses taking things into his own hands. Therefore God had to take him out into the wilderness for 40 years to teach him how to rely on God and not on himself.

This is of course partly true. However another equally valid way to look at it is that Moses when he first attacked the Egyptian, did so from his position as a prince of Egypt. He had not fully integrated his own Jewish identity. To some extent he had not fully come out to himself that he was a Jew. So the Lord needed to take him away into the wilderness to give him time to integrate his own Jewish identity. After forty years when he finally returns, he returns as a full Jew ready to lead a peasant people and not a prince.

So the story of Moses could be seen as the journey of a man whom God led to greater authenticity with himself, his people and with God.

Esther

Esther was a young Jewish girl who was chosen to marry the Persian king. Her life went on as usual in the royal courts and would have ended as just another rags to riches and royalty story.

However due to the machinations of an evil man called Haman, the king had unknowingly decreed that all the Jewish people (excluding her since she was in the palace) will be exterminated.

Her uncle Mordecai went to her to seek her assistance to intervene with the king.

Esther was reluctant. She was unwilling to bring out her own Jewish identity and bear the risk of facing a king who had not summoned her into his presence.

Mordecai's reply was that perhaps God had placed her in the palace for this purpose but that if she would not embrace her Jewishness and take the necessary risk, God would find someone else.

So Esther too is a story about a woman who had to take a risk to be who she really was. It is a story about authentic living.

You and Me

We too if we are to be able to relate to God authentically must be able firstly to be authentic with ourselves.

For us this means that as long as we are in denial regarding the fact that we are GLB persons, we are not in an authentic relationship with ourselves and therefore we cannot relate authentically to God.

To be authentic with God is to relate to God as a person
When I look at the Bible, I don't often see it as a book about God. To me it is a book written about a people's encounter with God. From reading their encounters we derive patterns for our own encounter with God and also learn some things about God.

We need to relate to God as a person. Our relationship with God such include the full gamut of relationships and interactions that we have with one another. Otherwise our relationship with God will not have the rich diversity that our human relationships have.

Often people relate to God in a way that is inauthentic. We are not our real selves when we are with God. There are things we feel we cannot tell God because it would be unacceptable to him.

But when I read the Bible, I find a different kind of relationship between God and his people.

Jeremiah 20:7 ff

As we read the following passage, try to feel what he might be going through. Observe the depths of his despair, the intensity of his anger and his struggle to maintain a positive attitude only to sink back into greater despair and anger.

⁷O Lord, you deceived me, and I was deceived;
you overpowered me and prevailed.
I am ridiculed all day long;
everyone mocks me.
⁸Whenever I speak, I cry out
proclaiming violence and destruction.
So the word of the Lord has brought me
insult and reproach all day long.
⁹But if I say, "I will not mention him
or speak any more in his name,"
his word is in my heart like a fire,
a fire shut up in my bones.
I am weary of holding it in;
indeed, I cannot.
¹⁰I hear many whispering,
"Terror on every side!
Report him! Let's report him!"
All my friends
are waiting for me to slip, saying,
"Perhaps he will be deceived;
then we will prevail over him
and take our revenge on him."
¹¹But the Lord is with me like a mighty warrior;
so my persecutors will stumble and not prevail.
They will fail and be thoroughly disgraced;
their dishonor will never be forgotten.
¹²O Lord Almighty, you who examine the righteous
and probe the heart and mind,
let me see your vengeance upon them,
for to you I have committed my cause.
¹³Sing to the Lord!
Give praise to the Lord!
He rescues the life of the needy
from the hands of the wicked.
¹⁴Cursed be the day I was born!
May the day my mother bore me not be blessed!
¹⁵Cursed be the man who brought my father the news,
who made him very glad, saying,
"A child is born to you-a son!"
¹⁶May that man be like the towns
the Lord overthrew without pity.
May he hear wailing in the morning,
a battle cry at noon.
¹⁷For he did not kill me in the womb,
with my mother as my grave,
her womb enlarged forever.
¹⁸Why did I ever come out of the womb
to see trouble and sorrow
and to end my days in shame?

Jeremiah was one of the greatest prophets of the Old Testament. Yet even he came to a point where he was deeply frustrated with God. He sank into an incredible depression in which he accused God of deceiving him and cursed the day he was born and the man who brought the good news of his birth.

Jeremiah was authentic before God. He did not hide part of himself away from God. He was not afraid to enter into a conflict with God — not out of insolence but out of a deep desire to have an authentic relationship with God.

Habakkuk

Habakkuk was a prophet who lived during the times when there was much evil in his nations. He was a righteous person who could not cope with the evil he was observing so he complained to God. He was basically upset with God and asked God why he stood by doing nothing.

He was then shocked by God who answered that he was not standing by idly but that he would raise up the Assyrians who were a fierce and even more evil people to be used as an instrument of judgment against Habakkuk's people.

God's response shocked Habakkuk even more such that he decided to question God even more and braced himself to face the consequences of his questioning (Hab 2:1ff). He said

¹I will stand at my watch
and station myself on the ramparts;
I will look to see what he will say to me,
and what answer I am to give to this complaint.

And God did answer him. God's answer scared Habakkuk. He came to understand the purposes of God but the thought of the incredibly brutal and fierce Assyrians coming to destroy his nations scared him to the point where he said (Hab 3:16ff)

¹⁶I heard and my heart pounded,
my lips quivered at the sound;
decay crept into my bones,
and my legs trembled.

Yet because Habakkuk was willing to face God and express his displeasure, God responded. Habakkuk as a result of his authentic relationship with God came into a position of deeper faith such that one of the most beautiful psalms in the Bible is actually found in the book of Habakkuk where he says that even though he will face total calamity he would continue to trust in God. It is a psalm that has brought deep encouragement and courage to millions of people facing challenging times (Hab 3:17ff):

¹⁷Although the fig tree shall not blossom, neither shall fruit be in the vines; the labour of the olive shall fail, and the fields shall yield no meat; the flock shall be cut off from the fold, and there shall be no herd in the stalls:

¹⁸Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will joy in the God of my salvation.¹⁹The LORD God is my strength, and he will make my feet like hinds' feet, and he will make me to walk upon mine high places.

Finally let's look at Job. He is often viewed as a man who despite all the horrors he went through never gave up on God. But the reality is that Job did give up on God. He finally came to a point in his life where he called God ruthless in the way God treated him. Let's read Job 30:20-31:

¹⁹The Lord throws me into the mud,
and I am reduced to dust and ashes.
²⁰ "I cry out to you, O God, but you do not answer;
I stand up, but you merely look at me.
²¹ You turn on me ruthlessly;
with the might of your hand you attack me.
²² You snatch me up and drive me before the wind;
you toss me about in the storm.
²³ I know you will bring me down to death,
to the place appointed for all the living.
²⁴ "Surely no one lays a hand on a broken man
when he cries for help in his distress.
²⁵ Have I not wept for those in trouble?
Has not my soul grieved for the poor?
²⁶ Yet when I hoped for good, evil came;
when I looked for light, then came darkness.
²⁷ The churning inside me never stops;
days of suffering confront me.
²⁸ I go about blackened, but not by the sun;
I stand up in the assembly and cry for help.
²⁹ I have become a brother of jackals,
a companion of owls.
³⁰ My skin grows black and peels;
my body burns with fever.
³¹ My harp is tuned to mourning,
and my flute to the sound of wailing.

Job was a man who could no longer understand why God had let him endure so much suffering. The time for singing nice praises and expressing faith had passed. It was now time for him to give vent to his disappointment in God and he did just that.

I have often asked why did God allow Job to go through all that. I think a clue is found in Chapter 42:5. Job there says that previously he had just heard about God.

But now after this experience when he finally sank to the depths and no longer had any resources to rely on and God appeared to him, he had seen God. His relationship with God from hereon is not based on what he had heard from others but on his actual experience with God.

It is interesting that in 42:7-10 God says that he was angry with Job's three friends. His three friends had been basically saying all the right things about God — his righteousness, his justice, his mercy. Yet God says he was displeased with them because they had not spoken rightly of God. But yet Job who had even accused God of being ruthless towards him, God said that Job had spoken rightly of God.

The difference was that the three friends were theologically correct but Job was real. He was authentic. His conflict and struggle with God was the very evidence of his authentic relationship with God.

You and Me

What kind of relationship do we have with God?

Is it just one where we are very nice with each other? Is it one where we say all the right theological words but are in the end devoid of life or authenticity? How real are we before God?

To be authentic with one another.

I had lunch today with my friend Kelvin and we talked about Heartland and Safehaven. He pointed out to me that interestingly that although Buddhism is an Eastern religion it is quite individualistic — meditation etc. He said that in the West where Christian culture had taken root over the last few centuries, when Buddhism goes there it has a more community feel about it.

This reminded me that as Christians it is almost impossible to know God except in relationships. Jesus himself said that where two or three are gathered in his name then he is there.

But it isn't just a matter about gathering for a religious gathering. It is about authentic relating. The Bible goes so far as to say that our understanding of God is dependent on us loving one another.

Col 2:1-2

I want you to know how much I am struggling for you and for those at Laodicea, and for all who have not met me personally. My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ,

Note that Paul here says that being "united in love" is fundamental to being able to understand Christ.

The idea that I can go off into the desert and live like a hermit and grow in my relationship with God is not Biblical. While from time to time God may call us into solitude — even extended solitude — generally his model is growing in Christ through growing in relationship with each other.

But the fact is authentic relating is not easy.

Col 3:12-14

¹²Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. [I FOR ONE WOULD consistently fail. So he goes on to encourage]. ¹³Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. ¹⁴And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Being authentic with one another means constantly trying to love and forgive each other. This means that we just can't check out everytime a relationship gets difficult. Conflict and reconciliation are part and parcel of loving one another.

I remember a famous Chinese Christian by the name of Wang Ming Dao. He lived during the time of the communists and was arrested and went through many years of imprisonment and suffering. He once wrote a devotion on the five stones that David used to kill Goliath.

He asked what about the stones made them so effective in a sling. He pointed out that the Bible mentions that the stones were smooth stones. He asked, "How do you think the stones become smooth?"

"By ages and ages and ages of colliding with one another." That is the way stones become smooth. Similarly with Christians, God makes us into smooth stones which are mighty weapons in the sling of the Holy Spirit only through years and years of colliding with one another so that our rough edges are smoothened out.

Authenticity also means non-compartmentalization. I really hate using religious language in daily life. Language defines our realities. It is through language that we define and experience our realities. If in our faith we use religious language — language that we do not use in everyday speech we compartmentalize our faith and religion from the rest of our lives.

Gay people who are split off — different types of gay people — conflicted, accepting, split off.

If you are an IT person, try using IT language to describe your faith. Use the area in which your thinking is most advanced to your faith.

If you cannot relate your faith in the everyday language you use, the chances are you have compartmentalized your faith.

c. God Calls You To Suffer With Him

In Colossians 1:24 Paul says:

Now I rejoice in what was suffered for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ's afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church.

In Phil 3:10 Paul cries out:

I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings

In theological circles the debate often is how divine was Jesus. How much of God was there really in him. Most of us don't see that as a major issue. We generally accept that God was fully in Jesus. We say we believe that Jesus was fully God and fully man.

But the reality is that we often don't take Jesus as a full human being. We make him into less than a human being. You cannot suffer with God until you begin to see the humanity of God.

That Jesus suffered. That he felt frustrated. That he felt wounded. That he felt defeated. That he felt lost. That he felt lonely just like you and me. And not just him but God too. When we do not try to enter into the pain of God, the God we have is less rich and we cannot see a God who truly suffered for us and who in turn calls us to suffer with him.

Let me ask you a question: Who is the wisest being in the universe? Who is the most knowledgeable being in the Universe?

Look at Ecc 1:18

For with much wisdom comes much sorrow;
the more knowledge, the more grief.

Have you ever for a moment considered the amount of grief that sorrow that must exist in the heart of God? Have you ever taken a moment to ponder at the grief and sorrow of God?

In the book of Revelation the Bible says that God will one day wipe away the tears of his people. I wonder … who will wipe away God's tears.

In Matthew we are told that one day Jesus will tell some people that they did not feed him when he was hungry, did not clothe him when he was naked, did not give him drink when he was thirsty and did not visit him when he was lonely. This whole bunch of shocked people asked him when did they neglect him.

Jesus' answer was that he was in every suffering person they had encountered. Every time you meet a lonely gay person. Every time you see a confused gay Christian. Every time you meet a gay man or woman starving for love — Jesus is in them. When you reach out in love and care for them, you care for Jesus and you alleviate the suffering of Christ.

But more than that, our own faith journeys may entail some suffering. We face constant fear of rejection. We live our lives afraid of being ostracized. This too is suffering and when we use that suffering in Christ's service we suffer like Paul — we enter into the fellowship of sharing in Christ's sufferings.

And in being willing to enter into this fellowship, we are somehow strengthened to face the very same challenges the Colossian church faced.

CONCLUSION

So to conclude. God wants us to be a people who are resilient, who are able to face the challenges before us. Therefore:

1. God calls you to be a people of hope.
2. God calls you to please him with good works and authentic relationship.
3. God calls you to suffer with him.